Life Out There

I’ve had this post in my heart for a while, and I’ve kept mentally adding to it until I felt it was ready. This one is special to me and dear to my heart, and I want to deliver every word correctly and not misspeak. Sometimes I feel like I’m living a double life. I live and work in Woodstock, but we keep to ourselves down here. Most of my friends are back home in Chatsworth and Dalton, and it’s true the only reason we are in Woodstock is for my kids. But even if I had the choice, I wouldn’t go home. It’s hard to find a balance because I love our friends and family, but my life is no longer there. I don’t exist there.

I used to say I hate Chatsworth, but that isn’t entirely true. There is just a mentality in that town (and Dalton too) that I struggled with my entire life. Growing up there was not easy for me. There was constant pressure to please everyone and at the same time no one was ever really pleased. Gossip spread like wildfire because everyone was bored and there was nothing else to do. I butted heads with my mother so much that it became unhealthy and abusive, and by the time I was seventeen I knew that I wouldn’t stay one minute longer than I had to. I chose Canton because my aunt lived there, and my senior year I was driving to her house every weekend I had the chance. I began to make friends there, and the more I did the more I dreaded the drive back over 136 into Murray County. I lined up a job at a sports grill next to Reinhardt College, and when we all left the Trade Center after graduation, I hit I-75 South and never looked back.

A lot of things happen to you when you move away and start a life of your own that doesn’t include El Pueblito every Thursday night or cruising Walnut Avenue blasting music with the same four people every weekend.

1. You find out who your friends are. This one was the hardest for me at first. People you saw almost all the time and would’ve sworn would be there forever slowly begin to fade away. The convenience of you being down the road wasn’t there anymore, and eventually they replace you with a new BFF. True friends will make the drive, or continue to invite you regardless of the distance. Those are the ones worth the effort.
2. You start to think for yourself. You begin to ask yourself how you REALLY feel about certain things, rather than what you’ve been told to feel your whole life. Growing up in a Southern Baptist town, everyone hates gays, abortion is murder, you’re going to hell if you don’t believe Jesus died on the cross, no other religion is relevant, and spirituality is just a bunch of hippie mumbo-jumbo for stoners. Being away from that mindset you start to ask questions. You start to think for yourself and come up with your own answers to these questions rather than what’s been pounded into your head from a pulpit by a red-faced spitting preacher.
3. You become a mystery. This is my favorite part, so much so that every time I did come into town I’d avoid the main roads and anywhere else I might see people. Folks will start to wonder about you and make up stories about what you’ve been up to. You’ll discover that most of the people speculating are the ones who will never leave, and most of them still live with their parents. Don’t let this one phase you and leave most of your life for speculation.
4. You’re suddenly a number, not a name. I love being able to go to the gas station, the grocery store, or the movies and not run into anyone I know. Call me anti-social if you want, but I hate putting on a fake smile when someone that I went to church with when I was little starts asking how my mom is doing. I can get to Kroger and back in twenty minutes if I need to here and I don’t even have to change out of my sweats.
5. You appreciate the little things about home more. There are gems in Chatsworth that I took for granted. That view of Fort Mountain and Grassy Mountain from the four lane. The Biscuit Box. The Village’s chicken casserole and cream cheese pie. The little old men in trucker hats and overalls that hold open doors for you. The country road drives down Old Highway 411. The way the courthouse looks from the lookout. French fries and milkshakes from the Big V. The way my dad’s truck smells. When I am home now, I soak these things in with appreciation every chance I get.
6. You learn your potential. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with working at a carpet mill or being a teacher, but those aren’t the only jobs in the world. Don’t ever limit yourself. When you get out of the mindset of what you’re “expected” to do, you just might find something else you love doing that could be even more rewarding.
7. You meet new people and make new friends. With these new people you will have a clean slate- there is no pre-existing opinion of you because they heard about something you did when you were fifteen. These people will love things about you that you didn’t even realize existed and they will point them out to you. You will grow to love yourself more because of this, and you will learn to love people in general more as well.
8. You “unbecome”. You unbecome all the things that you never really were to begin with. You are no longer the rumors that followed you around, or the expectation of your parents, or the homophobic fears of a religion based on fear. You unbecome, and start to be who you are.

I said earlier that I don’t want to misspeak. This isn’t pointed at anyone, and this isn’t a hate blog about Murray County. Growing up there has made me who I am today, and it has made me the person I am today at my roots. It’s the reason I say “yes sir” and “no ma’am”. It’s the reason I’m a morally good person who doesn’t steal and do meth and stay drunk all the time. It’s the reason I’m the only person in Atlanta that will hold the door open for the person behind me. It’s the reason I can get down to a country song at a tavern in Midtown. But even if it’s only for a little while, if you can, escape your small town, wherever it may be. Don’t end up in your forties wondering if there’s life out there like Reba McEntire. (That was a joke, but seriously!) Get out and experience life from a different point of view! You’ll grow and you’ll be so glad you did.